An Evening of Sorts!

Posted on by vaibhavvanraj

What people won’t tell you about adulthood is this: it’s very very complex. Okay. Actually everyone says that. Now I do, too; for I am a dysfunctional adult.

One thing to keep in mind when looking at adulthood objectively is that it is a product of childhood. A childhood that is spent largely in the company of other adults who live a life of their childhood’s consequences. What changes in each generational iteration is simply the response to the complexity. I am currently finding mine. I am looking for a response that not only will help me solve the complex adulthood but also help me prepare a manual of sort for the upcoming generation.

You see, the problem is not that I do not know how to function like an adult. The problem is when the world expects an adult, well thought-out response to the life’s problems. I have none. I do not know why. Maybe I am not good at adulting.

While I look for the answers, have a happy evening, world.

Personality Puzzles

Posted on by vaibhavvanraj

I learned something about myself today: I cannot get myself to work on something until I know why I would be doing it.

As obvious as it may sound, I have been unable to do several tasks. I have not come even close to doing what I was asked to do or things that I was supposed to do; tasks that are very obviously important, at least to those who assigned them to me. And I actually concur with the importance, but even then I have not been able to do those tasks, and I always wondered why.

Why am I not doing this? Why am I not participating? Am I avoiding it on purpose? Is it because I am afraid to fail? Am I afraid to disappoint – me or those around me?

Maybe.

Maybe I am indeed afraid of that. Or.. I am just so selfish that I need to first see what’s in it for me before I do any of those tasks at all. If I am selfish, is that so bad? I mean aren’t we all selfish in varying degrees? Aren’t we all supposed to be?

Whatever the cause may be, and however important it be, I have just learned something about me that is fundamental to concluding who I am. This revelation that I cannot get myself to work on something until I know why I would be doing it, is an essential piece, perhaps the most essential, to this puzzle that is my personality.

Arbitrary Celebration

Posted on by vaibhavvanraj

It baffles me. The smartest species of Earth celebrating its orbit around Sun, once a year, like clockwork (ha!), like they had something to do with it. Did they? Am I missing something here? Of course they didn’t. We did not. We simply decided, we will celebrate the arbitrary accomplishment, our planet’s that is, at an arbitrary hour of an arbitrary day of an arbitrary month of an arbitrary year.

I am writing this, away from all the gatherings of New Year’s Eve celebration, with this one question that is bothering me right now: Why today?

Today is 31st of December.

Last day of the Gregorian Calendar. I am Hindu. We welcomed a new-year about a gregorian-month-and-a-half ago, and my Chinese roommate welcomed a Chinese one about a month before then. So apart from those 2 billion humans, the rest are welcoming another one today. Which then begs the question: Why today? In fact, why any day? Why celebrate an arbitrary astronomical fact.

But to perform my humanly duty, Happy New Year, world.

Exit? Or Engage?

Posted on by vaibhavvanraj

­­­­Lately, I have been struggling to keep my head down. I know I am prone to procrastination but lately, it has gotten worse. Extreme procrastination is the new norm. I am struggling to focus. I am struggling to.. come up with words to describe why I am procrastinating.

Like every other human being, I want to feel happy. I want to feel content. I want to be successful. But I feel like, I am neither of those things, or is it just that I am not content with what I am, or have achieved, so far.

Life is just going by me, like a river. I am struggling to withstand the current. I fear I will slip and fall down. Should I exit the river? Or engage such that I cannot fall down?

Anyway, while I look for answers, Happy Valentine’s Day, world.

That one in New York [Part II]..

Posted on by vaibhavvanraj

It is quite fascinating to stand at an intersection, and instead of trying to cross the road, to stand there and try to gather everything at once at your sight’s disposal. But one needs a panoramic view if the intersection is the world’s busiest, The Times Square, New York.

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I have always fancied the idea of a camera, a product that helps to capture the ephemeral moments for infinity, yet never liked the idea of treasuring all kinds the memory- good and the opposite.

That one, in New York City..

Posted on by vaibhavvanraj

It was that very pleasant time of the year, right between summer and autumn. I have always admired each and every creation of nature, but the fall, or rather the period leading to fall, will have to be one of the dear ones. Being tired and getting sweaty, as often referred to as the traits found in Indian men, are almost impossible to achieve in this period of cool breeze and dry weather. As the season shifted, I gazed upon the possibility to visit arguably, the greatest city in the modern times, New York City, or NYC, as it is often called. Having already set a foot in the state of New York, on our way to the Niagara Falls, I was keen to go to the eastern border of the state, the island, most famous for its diversity among other characteristics. The history of the city has attracted millions of tourists over several decades, but it was the significance of the people, New Yorkers, that was the most appealing to me (not a big fan of History.. shhh). The possibility turned into reality when my brother pitched an offer to go along to NYC, with him and my sister-in-law. With a backpack full of electronic devices and clothes, and well Indian snacks, I was ready to embark to the second most awaited journey of my life.

Being tired and getting sweaty, as often referred to as the traits found in Indian men, are almost impossible to achieve in this period of cool breeze and dry weather.

Coming soon.. the full story!

The Tale Begins..

Posted on by vaibhavvanraj

From the land of 1.2 billion residents, I started my long awaited journey to the land of opportunities. Scorching heat and sweating humidity of the Indian monsoon complimented my decision to board an international flight in early June. The trip to the airport was always going to be a little hard due to the traffic. Millions of thoughts ran into each other on the slippery, tearful roads of my emotional heart. After all, I was about to bid a farewell to a significant part of my life that molded and defined the person I was about to become on this new land. It took a tiring 16-hour flight, really shitty, pardon my language, Indian food on board, and a heck of a struggling nap with some of the most talkative Indian women discovered by humanity till date, to reach Chicago,IL! If it had not been for my mother’s homemade food, which she sneaked through to the plane, I would have had to live, nay suffer the flight with some peanuts and coke, like some of the other Indian travelers, who not surprisingly denied the so called Indian meal served by one of the most premier Indian airlines. But that one stretch and one slap of the windy city on my cheek got me all cheered up. My parents and I were well received by my brother and sister-in-law and a bunch of relatives. And hence, the saga of this immigrant began.